Feeling self-conscious today

Last night's strange dream was likely fueled by physical symptoms which could've been a pregnancy, but aren't. I bought a pregnancy test today. It is definitely negative, which means I need to go see the doctor.

I've gained like ten pounds rapidly. I've had abdominal pain on the right side and for whatever reason I need to run to the bathroom every time I enter my house or prepare to leave.

Honestly, it is probably just cysts causing issues for me, but it was a valid thing to check out.

I have mixed feelings about this anyway. I am sad that it is negative because I would really like to experience a full pregnancy and delivery...as well as gain a child, but I am also happy it is negative because that means it won't interfere with going back to school in the fall.

Cysts aren't much fun. They hurt. What's a girl to do?

I was puking every morning at work before the null pregnancy aborted. I was also sick to my stomach all day long.

I probably should've remembered the difference, but in truth it has been so long that I couldn't recall.

Matt and I are planning to go to the temple tomorrow.

We still need to set up Dan's sealing.

Always so much to do all the time.

I still need to schedule appointments with GI and Neuro for Dan still.

Jay needs to see an audiologist to ensure that he doesn't have something like an auditory processing disorder.

We had his ears checked today and everything looks great in spite of the wax in the ear canal.

Dan also saw Dr Ormsby today.

I sure am going to miss her now that she is retiring.

I told her we may go with Cynthia Owens, but I want to meet and greet with the doctor one of my friend's uses to see if she's a good match for my kiddos. This doctor knows trauma well, which helps.

Cynthia did an excellent job on Dan the other day and I really like her, but I am not sure how much trauma she  has.

Matt and I are planning to go to the temple tomorrow after my therapy session with Sarah.

Mom has already agreed to watch the boys.

Tori is at Stake Girls Camp. She left this morning. Apparently she was quite cross this morning, but hopefully her mood improved before arriving at camp.

Yesterday Matt actually got me my own pizza, even though I told him I would eat whatever. That was very sweet and nice of him.

I miss how he used to be so thoughtful and kind all the time.

Stupid stroke. Stupid neurological changes.

We'll meet together with Sarah and Marissa on the 31st to try to find a way to work this out.

I get that me feeling special isn't Matt's responsibility, but his inattentiveness towards me is really hard for me to handle.

Guess that's about it for now.