Recap

Jay had his first day of preschool today.

My poor baby boy bawled when I left the room.

It wasn’t so much I didn’t know he would be okay as he didn’t know he would be okay without me.

He decided he really likes school already. Hopefully this means no more bawling when I go sooner than later.

Tomorrow is my orientation for Walmart.

I’ve seriously been questioning my sanity for doing this, tbh.

I want to become a pharmacy technician and I know this is one avenue to get there.

I should just put in that app with University Pharmacy.

I know this is just anxiety, but it is heavy and hard.

My brain is running a million miles a minute in spite of my anxiety med.

My last retail experience wasn’t that great.

In fact, Leslie freaked out and told me the guy who hanging around was a stalker.

My manager knew he couldn’t keep me safe working alone on the weekend shift so he didn’t make me give him two weeks notice.

The awkward part was this guy would show up at both of my jobs!

At the credit union I was under strict instructions to leave my station if I saw him come in the building.

Part of me is freaking out because I know I am oblivious to this kind of stuff and being front line with customers without even a counter in between us is a little bit terrifying for me.

I really like having a safety buffer.

Heck! I like having a safety buffer with most people for pete’s sake!

I know the time has come that I need to return to the workforce because Matt will retire soon, but...

What if Jerry is just too nice to tell me he doesn’t want to work with me?

I could seriously be hoping for something he’d never  be willing to help me with.

Honestly, he is kind but he has no obligation to help me whatsoever.

He could just be too polite to tell me to pound sand.

I just want to feel safe in my own skin.

I just need to trust that Heavenly Father’s got this because it’s scary.

The corporate and public sector are so much more comfortable in my slacks and dressy work shirts.

Too bad none of them fit me anymore. I seriously used to have the absolute cutest clothes!

I better get some rest before I go completely bonkers.

Sweet dreams! Please send up a prayer for me.

The whole not special, unlikable, unloveable weight feels so heavy right now.

It may as well be an iron maiden from the way it feels.

Well, good night.